Why High-Achievers Struggle to Switch Off—And the One Shift That Changes Everything
The Rest Paradox: Why High-Achieving Women Struggle to Unwind
You finally carve out some time to relax. The emails have been sent, the deadlines met, and for once, your to-do list can take a back seat. Yet, instead of sinking into tranquillity, you feel on edge. Your mind refuses to quieten, and an unsettling sense of guilt creeps in. Sound familiar?
For ambitious, high-performing women, genuine relaxation often feels just out of reach. The usual advice? "Just slow down." But this oversimplified suggestion fails to address the underlying issue—because the problem isn’t a lack of willpower. It’s a neurological misalignment between stress, reward, and rest.
The answer isn’t about forcing yourself into stillness but about understanding how your brain is wired—and making a crucial shift that turns rest from a frustrating experience into a deeply satisfying one.
Dopamine: Double-edged Sword
If you identify as a high-achiever, chances are your brain thrives on dopamine. This powerful neurotransmitter fuels motivation, ambition, and the relentless pursuit of goals. It’s the reason why completing a project or hitting a milestone gives you that electrifying sense of satisfaction.
However, there’s a catch—dopamine isn’t triggered by stillness; it’s stimulated by pursuit. The moment one goal is achieved, your brain instinctively seeks the next challenge. This creates an endless loop, explaining why traditional "relaxation" strategies—such as lounging on the sofa or passively watching television—often feel hollow and unfulfilling.
Dopamine also strengthens habitual behaviours, meaning the more you reinforce achievement-based rewards, the harder it becomes to step away from that cycle. Over time, this leads to persistent restlessness, making true downtime feel almost unbearable.
Furthermore, high-dopamine individuals often equate relaxation with a lack of productivity, triggering anxiety rather than calm. This is particularly pronounced in high-pressure careers where performance is constantly evaluated. The inability to engage in meaningful rest heightens the risk of burnout, as the body is never given a chance to fully reset.
Cortisol, Chronic Stress, and the RestParadox
On the other side of the equation, cortisol—the body’s primary stress hormone—acts as a direct counterforce to relaxation. High-achievers frequently maintain elevated cortisol levels due to their relentless work ethic, sky-high expectations, and the constant pressure to deliver results.
The challenge? Cortisol requires an effective "off switch." Yet, for individuals wired for momentum, passive rest fails to provide the physiological reset the body craves. This creates a paradox where downtime, rather than offering relief, can feel agitating and counterproductive.
In short: if your brain is accustomed to constant movement, inactivity can feel more exhausting than being in motion.
This explains why meditation can sometimes feel like an exercise in frustration, why simply "taking a break" often leads to spiralling thoughts, and why sitting still can sometimes be more mentally draining than tackling a full workday.
The Default Mode Network and Mental Overload
Scientific research reveals that the brain doesn’t simply switch off when you stop working. Instead, it shifts into what’s known as the default mode network (DMN)—the background system responsible for internal processing, self-reflection, and mind-wandering.
For high-achievers, this network often remains hyperactive, leading to overthinking, self-criticism, and mental exhaustion when attempting to rest. This is why traditional forms of relaxation—such as lying in bed or mindlessly scrolling on your phone—often backfire, leaving you feeling even more drained.
However, research shows that engaging in low-effort but mentally immersive activities—such as journaling, mindful movement, or creative hobbies—can help regulate the DMN, allowing the mind to unwind more effectively.
The Power of Active Recovery
Studies confirm that active recovery—which involves engaging in low-pressure, rewarding activities—plays a crucial role in preventing burnout. Research published in Cognition (2011) found that brief but intentional mental breaks significantly enhance cognitive performance, reinforcing the idea that the brain benefits more from structured disengagement rather than complete inactivity.
Similarly, a study in Psychological Science highlights how interacting with nature improves cognitive function, further supporting the argument that restorative activities should involve active participation rather than passive rest.
The key takeaway? Rest doesn’t mean doing nothing—it means doing the right kind of something.
Why Conventional Self-Care Advice Misses the Mark
Typical self-care advice often promotes ideas like "just switch off" or "do absolutely nothing." But for high-achievers, these approaches rarely work.
Instead of feeling relaxed, many experience:
Guilt over being unproductive
Frustration at “wasting time”
Restlessness rather than relief
An endless mental loop of unfinished tasks
Rather than forcing themselves into an unnatural state of passivity, high-achievers benefit most from rest that engages rather than numbs.
The Key Shift: Redefining Rest as Engaged Recovery
If the idea of "doing nothing" fills you with unease, it’s time to rethink what rest actually means. The most effective way to recharge is to shift from passive relaxation to active engagement—where rest isn’t about stillness but about satisfying, restorative activities.
For high-achievers, true relaxation happens when:
The mind remains engaged, but without pressure
The body moves, but without urgency
There is an element of play, creativity, or exploration
Here’s how you can implement this shift:
Find Your Ideal Active Recovery Zone
Experiment with low-stakes creative outlets like painting, playing an instrument, or mindful cooking.
Reframe "Relaxation" as "Engagement"
Instead of forcing yourself into stillness, replace it with immersive activities that spark curiosity or enjoyment.
Introduce "Micro-Rest" Moments into Your Day
Take short, deliberate breaks that involve movement or play rather than passive scrolling.
Final Thoughts
If traditional relaxation methods leave you feeling more restless than restored, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. Your brain is simply wired for momentum. The key isn’t to force stillness but to redirect your energy in a way that restores you, rather than depletes you.
Once you reframe rest as a state of engaged recovery rather than idle stillness, downtime stops feeling like an unproductive chore and starts becoming something your brain actually welcomes.
And that, ultimately, is the real secret to rest that works.
Does this resonate with you? This might not be the only burnout symptom going unchecked. Take this quick burnout risk quiz to assess where you stand across eight key areas of your life and gain valuable insights.
References
Raichle, M. E. (2015). The Brain’s Default Mode Network. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 38, 433-447.
Ariga, A., & Lleras, A. (2011). Brief and rare mental “breaks” keep you focused: deactivation and reactivation of task goals preempt vigilance decrements. Cognition, 118(3), 439-443.
Berman, M. G., Jonides, J., & Kaplan, S. (2008). The cognitive benefits of interacting with nature. Psychological Science, 19(12), 1207-1212.
Maslach, C., & Leiter, M. P. (2016). Understanding the burnout experience: recent research and its implications for psychiatry. World Psychiatry, 15(2), 103-111.
